Sunday, February 21st, 2010—Bar 42

Day 42—Saturday, February 20th
Manitoba’s

Usually I go to a hotel bar on Saturday nights, but since last night was a bit of a flop, I thought I’d go somewhere a little more lively. I’ve been meaning to go to Manitoba’s bar for awhile and tonight is the night.

Manitoba’s is owned by “Handsome Dick” Manitoba, who fronts the band, The Dictators. I remember reading about “Handsome Dick” and the Dictators back when I was a senior in high school in Peoria, Illinois in Punk magazine. Punk was founded by John Holmstrom, Legs McNeil and Ged Dunn. Since moving out to New York I’ve met and gotten to to know both John and Legs in my travels and have written about them both in my old magazine fishwrap. So tonight we travel to Manitoba’s and we’ll see if I get to meet “Handsome Dick” Manitoba.

Okay, so a few minutes after I wrote the introduction to this post I heard water leaking in my bathroom. I called my landlord and we got the water turned off and thought the problem was solved. About fifteen minutes later I heard a big kaboom noise and part of the ceiling had caved in. Motherfucker!

My bathroom now looks like a bomb went off in it. Okay, my bathroom's a wreck, the cats I'm catsitting are freaking out, so I know what to do...

It's time to start drinking heavily.

I'm here early enough to enjoy the Happy Hour specials.

There's a friendly vibe and a nice neighborhood charm to Manitoba's.

These two offered me a seat next to them at the bar. They are Joe and Jessica and were two fun and friendly people. Joe is a marketing guru and this is one of his many business alliances: Culture Catch. Jessica told me her boyfriend is in Africa and you can read about his travelings here: Dave Arman's Blog.

Everyone is welcome at Manitoba's.

LIz the bartender served me up a can of Pabst and the hole in my bathroom ceiling was soon forgotten. Liz is in a band called the Runaway Suns. Check them out here: The Runaway Suns.

There's great photos from the late 70s and early 80s punk rock heyday in NYC lining the walls.

Mike and Alex were enjoying the Saturday night out at Manitoba's.

A cool vintage poster of "Handsome Dick's" band the Dictators.

I wonder who these people are...I know, I'll go up and ask them.

It's Tara, Jaime and Billy. Billy flashes the 365 card. You can follow him on Twitter here: Billy.

The bathrooms at Manitoba's. Ooh la la!

Denton was seated next to me and flashed his Darth Vader Pez for the camera.

Lauren and Sarah were seated at the end of the bar.

Here's the backroom of Manitoba's.

Manitoba's has a great eclectic jukebox. After checking it out, I had a couple more cans of Pabst with Joe and Jessica and was feeling no pain. In fact, maybe some magic fairies had fixed the hole in my bathroom ceiling.

No such luck, time for more beer. Goodnight everybody!

Review
C.B.G.B.’s is gone, but the spirit remains alive in Manitoba’s bar located in Alphabet City. It’s a dark paneled, low-lit bar loaded with punk rock era pictures and memorabilia from owner “Handsome Dick” Manitoba’s glory days with his punk band the Dictators. There’s a game room in the basement but I didn’t go there because I don’t play games. Manitoba’s has one of the best jukeboxes in town with artists ranging from Wilson Pickett to NRBQ to The Monkees to The Damned. It’s a friendly neighborhood bar where everyone is welcomed and a good time is had by all.

Manitoba’s has a daily happy hour from 2pm-8pm featuring $3 well drinks, imported drafts, and wine plus $2 domestic drafts and $1 off all other drinks. There’s a half dozen beers on draft including Coney Island Lager and Killian’s Irish Red. The dozen bottled beers include Budweiser, Goose Island and Negra Modelo. And for those of you with Peoria in your bloodstream, Pabst Blue Ribbon is available in cans. There’s no food available, but you can bring in a slice from the neighborhood pizza joints and nobody’s gonna complain. Manitoba’s is open 365 days a year from 2pm to 4am.

Manitoba’s
99 Avenue B (between Sixth and Seventh)
212-982-2511

Saturday, November 20th, 2010—Bar 41

Day 41—Tuesday, February 19th
Merchants NY
I’ve had a really shitty night tonight at work and I’m not prepared for this at all. Usually during my lunch break I’ll pick out the bar on the internet and take it from there. Tonight it was so crazy and busy and machines were breaking down and people were yelling at me and I have a whomping-stomping headache and I have no idea of where to go. I’m going to keep it close to home, so I think I’ll just wander around close to my home base and pick a bar at random and see what happens. So let’s go commit an act of random taverness. Got any aspirin?

Here we go down Sixth Avenue in search of a bar.

After my night tonight I kind of feel like putting in an application here.

I pass by this deli every day and I always find their sign proclaiming them to be the "finest deli" rather boastful, so I never buy anything here.

I thougt about going in here, but it was too much like last night's bar. All corporate and yuppie stuffy. Plus the name made me think of Sarah Palin's book and intensified my headache.

Well, I can't drink at a bar called Elmo, that's just against the rules.

This place was packed and was a yuppie wine bar. I'll pass. Hey down the block is a French Vietnamese place that has a cool little bar in the front. Let's try that,it might be perfect.

Motherfucker, it's closed. I can't win tonight.

Okay, this place isn't packed and looks like a decent little bar.

Here's Terri the bartender serving me up a Budweiser. She was cute and really nice, but when I told her about the 365 bars idea she looked at me like I was nuts and seemed to be a little afraid of me.

Here's the bar at Merchants NY.

Here's a booze case, after I took this Terri nicely asked if I would stop taking pictures. She was nice about it and had posed for one, so I'm not going to fly into my usual rant about it. Plus I'm not really in the mood for this anyway. And besides, what am I doing here when I have pussy waiting for me at home?

That's right, I'm cat-sitting for my friends John and Luna. Here's Q sitting on top of a copy of fishwrap.

And here's M enjoying a late-night snack. Say goodnight M. Goodnight everybody!

Review

A nice quiet bar in the Chelsea area of Manhattan. Techno music plays low and you can enjoy a drink at the front semi-horseshoe bar or at the tables in the back. No gimmicks or gadgets here, just a low-key hang with a decent drink and food menu to be had.

Merchants has an extensive wine and cocktail list and the beer list includes domestic and imported beer such as Boddingtons, Chimay Grand Reserve (Belgium) and Fisher Alsace (France).The dinner menu offers such treats as
Lobster Ravioli Gratin, Trout in Truffle Oil, Linguine Al Pesto and Jerk Chicken. Brunch is served on Saturday and Sunday from 11:30 am till 4 pm. Have fun in here, just don’t bring a camera.

Merchants NY
112 Seventh Ave. Between 16th & 17th St.
212-366-7267

Friday, November 19th, 2010—Bar 40

Day 40—Thursday, February 18th

Niles

I thought tonight I’d start something new that I’m going to do every once in a while. Instead of looking for a cool or different type of bar, I’m going to go to one that you should avoid like the plague. There’s at least a couple thousand bars in Manhattan, so you don’t need to be wasting your time in a watered-down watering hole. Every week or so, I’m going to do a posting I’m calling, “Why the fuck would anyone waste their time or money in this fucking shithole?”

Location is an important factor in New York. I work real close to Penn Station and Madison Square Garden and you want to avoid the bars in this area like a pus-riddled, syphilitic vagina. They’re all boring, overpriced and packed with enough assholes to make even one beer in any of these joints unbearable. Or should I say unbeerable?

There’s a whole strip of worthless cookie-cutter bars around where I work, but the one I hate the most is a bar called Niles. It’s right around the corner and whenever there is an afterwork get together, they usually happen at this place. I don’t go to these anymore because I work nights and by the time I get there everyone is shitfaced and it’s not much of a picnic walking into a scene like that. I remember one of the last one’s I went to and it was really bad. I walked up to the bar and—I don’t want to call anyone out on the carpet, so let’s just call this guy, “Frank”—Frank was stumbling in front of the bar. I remember being amazed he was so fucked up and after I said hi to him he put his arm around me and then in 100 proof breath shouted/slurred in my ear, “There’s a story in there!”

Oh there was a story in there alright, it was the story of about half a dozen of my co-workers who were so shitfaced they would never remember seeing me in there the next day. I walked in and—again, I’m going to be discreet here, because I don’t want to embarass anyone and this guy has generously donated to this site, so let’s just call him, “Happy Cappy”—Happy Cappy jumps on me and starts humping me from behind like we’re having man on man, co-worker sex. And it was all downhill from there. And you know when it goes downhill from being dry-humped by a co-worker, it’s pretty motherfucking bad. So I just don’t go anymore.

Anyway, I’m going to punch out now and we’ll walk around the block and into a place where we’ll wonder, “Why the fuck would anyone waste their time or money in this fucking shithole?”

Why the fuck would anyone waste their time or money in this fucking shithole? Episode One.

Here we are at Niles. You can only see the silhouette of this jerkoff, but he's actuallywearing an ascot! Get back to Bumblefuck, Idaho, asshole!

It's really fucking bright in here and any seasoned tavern traveler knows that bars should be dark. You're trying to pick up drunken people that you don't want to see in the morning, so no one needs brightness in this equation.

The bartenders are nice guys in here but...

They charge seven motherfucking dollars for a bottle of Budweiser in this place! Seven bucks for a bottle of Bud? Hey Bartender, I'm having a "Full Metal Jacket" moment here as I want to ask you why you don't have the common courtesy to give me a reach around while you're fucking me up the ass!

It’s louder than fuckall in here. They keep the music at level so everyone has to shout and it’s impossible to hear in here. Plus the music sucks. Do you know what’s playing right now? “Old Time Rock ‘N’ Roll” by Bob Seger. Do you know why Bob Seger likes the old time rock ‘n’ roll? Because he’s about 87-years-old! I’ve always hated this guy and the one song of his that kills me is, “Turn The Page.” It’s a song about how tough it is being out "on the road.” Gee, I really feel sorry for you Bob! I'll tell you what, instead of going out "on the road," how about we trade places. You can come and work my second shift job and catch shit from everyone and their brother's sister and I'll go out "on the road" and suffer through having to fly first class to four star hotels to working 90 minutes a night singing inane shit about old time rock and roll and then going back to the four star hotel and ordering expensive room service and drinks while some shit-faced groupie slobbers all over my knob. Yes, I'm willing to do this for you, Bob. Have your people call my people and then take that old music off the shelf and shove it directly up your ass.

Check out Niles website: Niles Bullshit Bar. You can see the menu for this place there. One of the items is a cheese plate for two. It costs 15 bucks! Fifteen dollars for a plate of cheese? For that kind of money I could buy a case of Velveeta and a crack whore to give me a reach around.

Speaking of the menu, they have a children's menu at this place. I HATE bars that encourage people to bring their demon seeds along. Bars are no place for kids. Everytime I see someone bring their fucking kids to a bar I want to get the name of their children's nusery school so I can show up with a twelve pack and a fifth of rock gut whiskey and throw up all over the class while performing my own version of "Show and Smell." This drunken tourist just stepped in between me and my beer and has been negotiating his tab for about five minutes with the bartender. Hi asshole!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so they've got Andy Richter and Lou Reed's high school jersey's on display, big fucking deal. I'm never coming back and I wonder...“Why the fuck would anyone waste their time or money in this fucking shithole?” Goodnight everybody!

Review

Don’t go here. They charge seven bucks for a motherfucking bottle of Bud and don’t have the common courtesy to give you a reach around. And they charge fifteen bucks for a plate of cheese! Moe, Larry...cheese!


Niles
371 7th Avenue (Right in the heart of assholeville)
212-290-2460