Sunday, May 2nd, 2010—Bar 112

Day 112—Saturday, May 1st, 2010
O’Briens (in the O’Hare Airport)
Okay, it’s eight in the morning and I’m getting ready to check out of my hotel. I’m going to catch a cab and go to O’Hare Airport in Chicago a little early in hopes of finding a bar I can do the crawl thing in so I don’t have to do one when I get home tonight because I’m beat. Taxi!

Self-portrait of myself after a week vacation in the Midwest. I'm trying not to think about going back to work on Monday.

And what better way to forget about working Monday than stopping in to a bar at nine in the morning on a lovely Saturday.

There's an open seat with my name on it. Lovely!

Bartender Rick not only serves up the first breakfast beer, but he flashes the 365 card as well.

Cheers and top of the morning to all of you!

Lots of food on the menu, but it's too early for food. I'm thinking about a side order of ice.

Robert was seated next to me. He was headed to New Mexico for his son's first communion.

Some of the beers available at O'Briens.

Here's Stan and Catherine who were on their way to a bowling tournament.

Here's Donna and John. Donna caught my ear when Rick asked what she'd like to drink and she said, "The biggest beer you got." That's my kind of woman!

Okay, time to head to boarding gate H8.

I'm in group five.

Which just got called, here we go!

I'm seated and watching others board. Wow, she looks in a bad mood!

Okay, if you’ve been following this blog you’ll recall that on a recent trip to Cleveland, Ohio, the male stewardess sniffed at me when I ordered a beer in the morning. He gave me attitude, but at least he got me one. Today was a different story. This woman reminded me of Nurse Ratched from "One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest." She came by with the drink cart and I asked her what kind of beer she had on it. She looked at me like I had just ordered the head of Alfredo Garcia with a nut sack sewn into his left ear lobe for breakfast.

“There is no beer service at this hour,” She told me trying to withhold her disgust.

“Are you telling me, there’s no beer, or that you just won’t serve it to me?” I asked, trying not to sound out of order.

“There’s no beer,” she told me with a tone of ice in her voice, “it’s a little early.”

Years ago I would’ve told her to stuff a Tonka Truck up her ass and then do the Charleston Waltz like she’s a fucking June Taylor Dancer on crack. But back then you could wise off to an airport employee and walk away. These days if you so much as raise your voice to an airport employee you can find your ass in jail. Those of you who know me or followed my old Marty Wombacher Show website know what I’m talking about, so I won’t go into it, I’ve obsessed over it enough over the years. Basically I got fucked over by American Airlines for an entire day, finally lost my cool at a check in gate and spent a night in the Boone County Jail for yelling at an American Airlines employee. And if you’ve ever had the bad luck to sit in the Boone County Jail for an entire evening, you’d never yell at an American Airlines employee again. So I didn’t, I let the drink cart go and fell asleep. But now that I’m safely on the land I can say this: American Airlines sucks diseased donkey dicks and they can go fuck themselves five ways from Friday. Too early for beer service? We’re up in the air, American Airlines, there is no "too early" up here you fucking ding-donged airborned assholes on toast. Too early for beer service? FUCK YOU AMERICAN AIRLINES!

I awoke to see New York in the window!

I had a great time in Peoria and Chicago and it was a blast seeing old friends and making new ones, but it sure feels good to be back in New York Fucking City! Goodnight everybody!

Review

If you’re in the H gate area, stop by O’Briens. If Rick is working, tell him I said hi. He’s a friendly airport bartender and this is a nice bar to hang out until your flight takes off. And if you’re flying American Airlines, have a double, because those jackasses don’t serve booze in the morning. Too early for beer service? FUCK YOU AMERICAN AIRLINES!

O’Briens
O’Hare Airport, Chicago, Illinois