Friday, January 15, 2010—Bar 5
Day Five—Thursday, January 14th, 2010—Butterfield 8
So I’m on a break at work and I’m tryng to figure out what bar to go to. There’s a bar on the way home called the Limerick House, but I did an Irish bar last night, so I started doing Google searches. One of the searches led me to a bar called the Butterfield 8. It turns out that Thursday it’s ladies night and women can drink for free from 9pm to 10pm. There’s a complimentary open bar for women for an entire hour and then half-priced drinks from 10pm to closing. The first thing I thought of was, “Hmmm...where can I get a vagina installed at this somewhat late hour of the evening?” Then I thought about tampons and yeast infections and the grooming involved, would I shave it? Have a landing strip? Maybe a faux hawk...and then I started to get a headache. But after swallowing an aspirin it dawned on me, there would probably be a barful of drunk women at the Butterfield 8 tonight! I wouldn’t have to install a vagina, I could just use someone else’s for awhile! I get off work at 11:30 pm and the bar is only about nine blocks away. I’ll be there before midnight and the place should be packed with my favorite kind of women: Seven sheets to the wind and drunk as a skunk with a bottle of krunk!
Okay, here we are, the Butterfield 8. Huh, there's two guys walking out. Oh well, all the more women's for me!
Hey, it's Girl's Night Out...so where are all the girls? Maybe they're all powdering their noses. I think I better get a beer.
Brian was manning the bar and dutifully served me up a bottle of Budweiser.
And here's my trademarked goofball shot of me drinking the aforementioned beer.
As I prowl the bar looking for women, I found this abandoned drink at a table in front. No women and abandoned drinks? The weirdness was starting to get to me.
Finally I found a woman, the lovely Jess. Although John had his arm clamped tightly around her, I took the picture and politely moved along.
I did find some more women, however they too were with other men. Left to right: Teddy Morissey, Kelly Carr, Alex Halpern and Elise Howarth. They all attend Boston College except for Teddy who goes to Syracuse University. Elise suggested I check out Boston for bars, and at this point I wholeheartedly agree with her. Maybe there's single women there. After meeting these fine and fun people, things got a little ugly for me as the few guys remaining in the bar refused to have their picture taken. There were three jocko-fratboy types I asked and one said to me, "No thanks, I'm straight." To which I replied, "Oh, so that's why you're at a ladies night out bar with two guys." He didn't like that and I feel this further alienated me from the other customers (one other guy) in the joint. Oh well.
A lonely table at the Butterfield 8.
Olives!
A self-portrait in my notepad.
Even the TV set is poisoned, it's Vince, the ShamWow hooker beater guy.
Might as well take the bathroom break, maybe things will liven up when I get back. I hate bathrooms that just have a symbol on the wall. Is it so tough to get a sign that says, "Men?" I really feel like pissing in the hallway.
The toilet's clean, but there's toilet paper laying around. Slobs!
Hey, how'd that get there?
Obligatory bathroom mirror shot.
When I get back to the bar it's completely empty!
The only one left was bartender Brian who asked if I would quit taking pictures. I told him I would, I don't blame him, who wants to be bartending at an empty bar with some freak taking pictures of it.
So I packed up my bag, caught a cab and had an Auntie Em moment saying, "There's no place like home" and "There's no beer like Budweiser," after opening up my refrigerator.
And while I didn't end up with anyone from the bar, two words will rectify that situation: "Online Porn." Woo hoo!
Review
Well, it was bound to happen, I hit a bar on an off night and not much hilarity ensued. It did teach me one lesson, bars are bars, it’s the people inside them that make them fun. And there wasn’t too many people here tonight. However, the music was decent, while there I heard “Purple Haze” by The Jimi Hendirx Experience and “We Will Rock You” by Queen amidst other classic rock/dance songs, they have a full bar and menu (Butterfield 8 is also a full service restaurant, see the website for more details) and Alex from the above quartet photo told me he’s been here on a Friday or Saturday night when it was a lot of fun. Well, I won’t be able to check back for over a year, but I’ll take his word for it.
Butterfield 8
5 East 38th St. (Between 5th Ave. & Madison Ave.)
212-679-0646
1 Reference
Reader Comments (8)
Pretty hard to do the ole.....Vagina on the noggin.......in an empty bar! Better luck tommorow!
Dont get a vagina for free drinks.. its sooo not worth all the shaving...or waxing...and freestyle just is soowrong....
Wow, Jess makes up for the lack of women! Impressive Budweiser collection you've got at home! Better luck tonight.
I'm on vacation the last week of Jan. What do you say i fly out and do a.........2 old guys in speedo's visit a bar that won't beat up two guys in speedos! Let me know because i don't own a speedo........yet!
You're on Professor! Let me know when you get here and I'll get to the Speedo store ASAP!
Boy, you know the economy's tanked when people can't even afford free drinks! On a semi-related note, I once dined at a place in Washington DC called Butterfield 9. Food was decent, atmosphere was pretty good, but the drinks certainly weren't free. And I remember the room was half-empty. Maybe these places should try changing their names. How about Butterlea? Or Oleofield.
TOO BAD THE KIDS YOU HAVE IN PHOTO ARE ALL UNDERAGE.
Talk to the bar about that Concerned Parent, I assume if they were there they got carded.