Monday, February 15th, 2010—Bar 36
Day 36—Sunday, February 14th
The bar at Good Stuff Diner (I originally tried Duke’s and then a bunch of others, I forgot it was Valentine's Day)
Okay, it’s Sunday, so time to focus on my Sunday dinner. I had to work today, so I’m a little beat, not in that great of a mood and would rather just get a sandwich, stay home and have a few beers. But I’ve got a service to provide here, so it’s onwards and upwards to the next bar for Sunday dinner. And the bar is Duke’s because it’s close by and I’ve eaten there a lot. They’ve got a varied menu, so let’s get going, I’m starvin’ like Marvin over here!
Okay, I told you it was close by, here we are, Duke's! I love all the neon in the window, let's get in there and eat!
Holy fuckballs, it's jammed in here and not a seat to be had at the bar. Fuck...oh well, I know a bar just a block away...
The Old Town Bar! This is a great New York landmark bar. They have great hot dogs and cheeseburgers in this joint!
It's hard to see in this photo because I guess my flash didn't work, but there's not a seat to be had in here either. It's fucking Sunday night, usually nothing's crowded, that's why I love Sunday night. Okay, let's try BLT Fish, it's a restaurant with a bar in it and I've never had trouble getting a seat at the bar and it's just two blocks away.
And here we are. The fish and chips here are great and they've got a huge selection of beer.
Oh motherfucker of all motherfuckers! I completely forgot it's Valentine's Day! No wonder everyone is out. I don't have a good feeling about this at all.
And my bad feelings are justified. The bar is packed with asshole Valentine's Day fucktards. BLT has a sister restaurant devoted to cheeseburgers. Valentine's Day people aren't big cheeseburger eaters, are they? Well, I am, let's go before I faint from hunger pangs.
Here's my freezing, pissed off, hungry, dying for a beer self-portrait on 6th Avenue.
Okay, here we are at BLT Burger. This place has great cheeseburgers!
Oh no!
Oh motherfucker! I feel like a combination of Joseph, Mary and the unborn Jesus, there's no room at the motherfucking Inn! Well, we're two blocks away from 14th Street and I can't take it any longer. Time to bite the bullet and go somewhere that I know won't be crowded. And how do I know that? Because the place sucks donkey lungs on toast. That's why.
The Good Stuff Diner. This town has tons of great diners in it. This is not one of them. I've been here about four times and never have had a good meal in here and it's a weird place.
The bar is almost deserted and the motif in this joint is late '60's bad Braniff airline mod decor at its worst. Everything's orange in here.
The other end of the bar is deserted so I plant myself on a stool.
Aaahhh...the first of many Budweisers. The counterman waiting on me refused to have his picture taken and it's probably for the best. He's a short, twitchy guy with an accent not unlike Latka Gravas from the Taxi TV show. He's sweating profusely and he gives me the creeps. More beer please!
The empty diner. Kind of looks like a Denny's from hell from this vantage point.
The only saving grace in this place are the vintage cocktail paper placemats.
They have a full bar here, which is good, you'll want to have plenty of drinks before dinner. I'm on my fourth bottle of Budweiser already.
Lots of wine here, too bad I don't drink wine. Thanks for nothing Good Stuff Diner!
Okay, dinner is served by the shifty, sweaty foreign guy. I ordered the NY Strip steak sandwich, medium rare with the french fries extra well-cooked. I asked them to hold the lettuce and tomatoes because that shit always just gets in the way. And this is what showed up. Hey Good Stuff Diner, could you burn the steak a little more for me? It's not completely a pile of ashes yet, but it's close. And the french fries are as limp as Hugh Hefner's dick in the middle of a Viagra shortage. And remember I told them to hold the tomatoes and lettuce? Well I guess they held it as long as they could and then dropped it right back on the plate because here they are. And the "sandwich" is served on hamburger buns. It's not a steak burger, Good Stuff Diner, put some real bread underneath it next time. Next time? Ha ha ha, who am I kidding, like I'd come back here again! Next time I want a meal this bad, I'll cook it myself!
Thanks Valentine's Day, for ruining my cherished Sunday night dinner. J. Geils said it best, Love Stinks! Goodnight everybody!
Review
Good Stuff Diner? Ha ha ha! The title is irony at its finest hour. What a horrible night. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow. I’ll try and be in a better mood.
Good Stuff Diner
109 W. 14th St. between 6th and 7th
212-929-2555
6 References
Reader Comments (15)
Hilarious review! "Thank-you-very-much!"
LOL! You can't win them all, better luck tonight!
I've been to this place and your Branniff mod motif description is right on! it's a strange diner.
Bad night Marty? Me too. A couple of months ago my right rear molar began to disintegrate, and right about the time you were experiencing total diner hell, I finally developed a full blown toothache. And not a drop of booze in the house to kill the pain! #@%%&**%!! If my teeth didn't hurt so bad, I'd probably be out looking for trouble so I could bite some deserving soul's face off. You've read my book Marty...you know I could do it! Grrrr....
I almost like the bad visits more because your talent for writing really shines when you are pissed off! Sorry it had to be sunday........I know how important the sunday meal is to you! Can't you backlog a few visits for nights that you don't want to go out? Most of us are drunk and won't know the differance! Hey Womblaster! As soon as i have some time off, I'm gonna send a little something to your P.O. box! I'll give you a heads up so you don't have to be running in your Sanford and Sons boxer shorts to check the mail! Cheers and Beers!
No backlogging for me, Prfofessor, I take life one night several drinks at a time. The P.O. Box is not in use anymore. but I'm dying to see what you have for me and a little scared. I'll send you my home address in your email. Thanks in advance! I think!
Ewwww that meal did look gross horribly gross. I was hungry up until the time I saw that picture of the food.
I am sorry that you had a bad night and it looked cold outside on top of all the crap you had to endure. I still very much enjoyed reading about the bars you visited last night.
P.S. - Professor Dungpie is right Marty, you're at your best when you're fit to kill!
Best review yet......NY Times needs you!
Aww fuck Marty. I know you had a rough night but I have to say, I laughed out loud while reading this post. Some people are just really funny when they're pissed off and you're one of 'em.
Do you ever have any pals go with you on these bar runs?
What did that hot mess of a dish run you?
Now that I'm looking at this on a proper computer screen, that steak kind of reminds me of Robert Downey's face in "Fur."
@Gina: Once in a blue moon, see the Jason and Zioum Zioum outings, but it's easier to do them alone. Glad you got some yuks out of this, I did too, once it was over!
@boogersaregreen: it was over thirty bucks, but I had five beers so the expense wasn't that bad, but the food sure was.
@Biff: Ha ha ha!
I was going to donate some cash but if this is the crap youre going to spend it on, I will give it to a homeless guy who ridicules me every time iI walk through the doors at Port Authority.
Valentine's day... What shit day indeed !!! haha! I always say it should be a calebration for optician "because love make us blind!!" :D
Anyway for me it was the chinese new year !!!! and my last day in NYC.... :( So we went to the Currywurst German bar again and I got pretty drunk!! I wanted to go to drink vodka (the funny part is that I don't like vodka!) but it was time to get home and to pack my bagages... But I was as drunk that I yelled in subway "I'm a French zioum zioum and I have to go back to France tomorrow and it sucks your mother ! so gimme money!! " and all the train was laughing !!! HAHA