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« Sunday, August 14th, 2010—Bar 217 | Main | Late Posting Alert »

Saturday, August 14th, 2010—Bar 216

Day 216—Friday, August 13th, 2010
Harry's Bar (New York Helmsley Hotel)

If you follow this blog, you know that I am not a fan of Friday nights. I’ve said it before and goddammit, I’ll say it again, Friday and Saturday nights are the New Year’s Eve nights of the week. People think they have to go out and get plastered because it’s the weekend. And these types of people can’t hold their booze and I hate them. Plus, on Fridays I have to go out after work (I’ve solved the Saturday dilemma by going out earlier in the afternoon/early evening and getting a cheeseburger), so it’s late and most people out are sloshed or well on their way. I’m also always beat and burnt out by Friday and really don’t feel like talking to people. So tonight I’m somewhat taking a night off. I’m still going to a bar and you’ll get pictures, but I’m not going to tell the bartender or anyone what I’m doing. I searched for a bar that would be somewhat quiet and boring and I think I found it. I found an online review of Harry’s Bar in the Helmsley Hotel and the first line reads: “Harry's Bar is really less of a bar and more of a corner of a lobby that happens to serve booze.” Ha ha ha! Sounds perfect!

And for the picture captions, well, Frank Zappa is going to supply them. I’ll be using chunks of the lyrics to “America Drinks and Goes Home” song from the great Mothers of Invention album, Absolutely Free. And here we go, whizzing and pasting and pooting through the night!

Well it's about time to close. I hope you've had as much fun as we have!

Don't forget the jam session Sunday!

Mandy Tension will be by, playing his xylophone troupe!

Monday night is the Dance Contest Night.

We give away ah...peanut butter and jelly!

There'll be sandwiches for all of you.

I hope we've played your requests, the songs you like to hear.

Last call for alcohol!

Drink it up folks.


Nice to see you Bob, how's it going?

How's your kids?


Nice to see you, yes.


'Nite all!

Harry’s bar is a great bar if you’re on the 216th night of a 365 bar crawl. It’s quiet and there’s not a lot of people there because the cheapest drink on the menu is 8 bucks for a bottle of Budweiser. The bartenders and staff are friendly. The patrons are about 100% tourists who are looking for a quick drink or a book of matches. Enjoy the free snacks at the bar, because the bar food is pricier than the booze.

Oh and the bad news is that I lost the Mega-Millions.
The good news is that so did everyone else and it’s up to 88 million bucks! I’m buying more tickets Tuesday. Cheers and beers!

Harry's Bar (New York Helmsley Hotel)
212 E 42nd St.

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    365 Bars - A Virtual Bar Crawl - Saturday, August 14th, 2010—Bar 216
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    365 Bars - A Virtual Bar Crawl - Saturday, August 14th, 2010—Bar 216

Reader Comments (27)

Great to listen to Zappa while checking all this out. Musically he was light years ahead of the pack and he knew it. When I saw you went to Harry's Bar, I thought,,,hell, I went there also. But then I see that it wasn't the same Hotel. The bar you went to last night was rather austere, but you deserve a break, and I applaud you for your fortitude in this. I went a few years ago to Harry's Bar at the Helmsley Park Lane Hotel and that bar is worth checking out on another Friday nite. Totally clubby and dark with deep wood paneling. Sometimes its worth paying eight dollars for a beer just to get away from crowds.

August 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAl

I agree with Al, you deserve this break. And we still get fun pictures and a great Zappa tune, so everybody wins! Sorry you lost the Mega-Millions, maybe next week! I'm going to go put on my copy of Absolutely Free by the Mothers. Haven't listened to it in a while, thanks for reminding me of it! On with the crawl!

August 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHarry Nilsson Fan

After 10 years of running a hack at night, I know what you mean about the drinking folk and how they can get on Friday and Saturday nights. Most of the stories in my cab driving book took place on those nights (oh, by the way, whoever bought a copy of my book last week thanks to Marty's plug, thank you, and I hope you enjoy it!). Say, Marty...if you are a Zapa-phile like I am, there is a legendary old Frank Zappa song that I've heard about but never heard with lyrics that go like this; "Every Time the table leg touches the floor I get HORNY...HORNY...HORNY!" I've tried to track that song down on the Internet so I can hear it but with no success. Do you or any of the commentators out there know the name of the song or the album it comes off of, if it even exists at all? Several people have mentioned it over the years.

August 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJaws the Cabbie

that joint sucked Marty, fullstop dot com.....PLEEEASE bring on the mega-millions!!! you'll need them drinking at this statement bar....

August 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfitzy

@Jaws: I don't know about that song, but there is a legendary Zappa story which I found online:

A little background: Pyne was a decorated WWII hero who lost his leg as a marine and he had Zappa on his show when Frank was still wearing long hair. I was watching the show because I admired Zappa and I wanted to see how he would handle Pyne. The following conversation took place:

Joe Pyne: "So I guess your long hair makes you a woman."

Frank Zappa: "So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table."


Ha ha ha! Gotta love Frank, king of the comeback!

August 14, 2010 | Registered Commenter365 Beers

@fitzy: Just a little break in the action, mate, back to business tonight!

August 14, 2010 | Registered Commenter365 Beers

Glad you took a break, still a fun post and I love the Mothers of Invention early stuff. Love that Zappa story!

@Jaws, I've never heard of that tune.

August 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBarfly

perfect song! that should be the 365 theme song! LOL!

August 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrita r.

I needed a little zappa in my world today.. thank you marty...

August 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGidget

man looks like this is the perfect place to spend your last eight bucks on a bud and contemplate suicide...ghost of harry and the ":queen of mean"...but then ruben and the jets pop into your head.."crusin' for burgers in daddy's new car" and you say yeah another one barkeep...and "my guitar wants to kill your mother" pops into your head...chug the bud and run like hell...to contemplate another time...KOC


August 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterraginnr

@marty, apologies for my earlier post mate....can totally relate today at being over worked.....yesterday (sat) was a littl' ball-tearer for me....worked the hospital early,then me mate Phil picked me up (who has a tour business) with 10 Canadian backpackers & off we went playing tour guide to Ellenborough Falls....i was totally overworked keeping the esky (cooler?) stocked on the bus (these Canadian chicks just love aussie beer!!!i kid you not!!) & telling lame arse jokes which they loved hehe!....well, 500klm's, 9 pubs,1 winery, 2 restaurants & a nite club later i find myself getting home at 5am this morning (sun) when i was a littl blunt with my original post....so apologies mate....just surfaced after a few hours sleep & back to work the hospital shortly....i'm lucky though, i look forward to going to my work ;-))

August 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfitzy

@fiitzy: No worries mate, I've got agreat cheeseburger post tomorrow, so stay tuned!

August 14, 2010 | Registered Commenter365 Beers

@ Fitzy: You're a hard bastard! You work in a maximum security wing, you smoke Winny Blue Rollies and you party hard with Canadian girls to 5am. The hat is off my friend, the hat is off....seriously, the chef hat came off an hour ago. I had to work today too...on my day off so I haven't been able to start boozing until a bit later....So grab a beer mate, and start working it off.

@Jaws: I'm a huge Zappa fan too and I've never heard of that one but until then check out 'The Jazz discharge party hat' from The Man From Utopia. It's a funny story about trying to pick up College girls out on tour. I've got a few mates that could help out and if I find it I'll be sure to let you know....

@Everyone....Ya gonna wind up workin' in a gass stashaaarn!

@365: I'm a wino man....
You've opened up a freaky can of worms with the Zappa song.

TO Original Mothers Drummer...Jimmy Carl Black (R.I.P).

August 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTim Clack Downunder

@clacky....hahaha!....i do have to thank inmates Bazza & Danny boy for the introductions....& to rub the so called salt into the wound, just finished work & bout to jump in the shower & get ready for dinner at Rydges Resort!!! hehehe!...does Newcastle have a max security wing clacky? you should look into it...lol!

August 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfitzy

Well deserved break, and hey you still went to the bar and wrote about it, so not even much of a break. There is no way I could talk to people every day lol. Good thing I work in customer service. And I love the swirly mirror at the bar, so they got that going for them.

August 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkari

@Fitzy: Yes, Newie does have a super max....but no Koalas, only filled with folk that think that they're koalas. What's the first thing you do when you drop acid? You climb a tree!!
ha ha ha I made myself laugh with that one...but only thing i can think of is the Reptile and wildlife park on the central coast.

August 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTim Clack Downunder

@365: Sorry for being distracted by the Zappa quotes but I don't mind this bar. It's got plenty of booze and lights and the staff seem friendly enough. Due to the lack of actual comments, it's probably a bit $$ but thats the price you have to pay for a quiet one. Enjoy the break. Cheeseburger sat tomorrow.

August 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTim Clack Downunder

Help I'm a Rock

Funny I posted yesterday on wrong page since I scrolled down to far .

August 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJHwang

@JHwang: Good Zappa quote!

@Tim Clack: He was the Indian of the group.

August 15, 2010 | Registered Commenter365 Beers

Good post, Marty. Sometimes you just want some peace and quiet and to move on. That's when a lame-ass empty overpriced generic hotel bar fits the bill just fine.


August 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFat Al

so cool that place !!! you can have fun with a statue there!!! I thought you could get that only in the Easter Island !!!! HAHAHA

Oh! and to me "Harry's" is that bread brand to make "American swandwich" like we say in France! lol

August 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterZioum Zioum The Chainsaw

Speaking of Helmsley, too bad you aren't Leona's dog - you would be a millionaire! This place looks stuffy, but I like the lit up bar. They should sell t-shirts that read something like: "Get lit at the lit bar." And then English majors would wear them ironically and they'd become a cult hit and probably some band would wear one on Saturday Night Live and then they'd start selling them on Amazon and EVERYONE would have one, like tribal arm tattoos or K-cars and then they'd become SOOOO passe and they'd go totally out of style and then only homeless people would be wearing them because everyone would either donate them to good will or throw them away or cut them up and use them in art projects or crafts. Then, ten to twenty years later, they'd come back into style and only the people who forgot they had them in the first place would still have pristine versions and they could turn around and sell them on eBay for, like, $100 each - or maybe that dude in Soho with the vintage t-shirt stand would sell them for $200 - until they became retro cool all over again and ended up as a blue light special at K-Mart. So, long story short, maybe the Helmsley shouldn't sell those t-shirts, because English lit majors are pretty much assholes and the shirt would probably cost $50 anyway. What a rip off.

August 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBiff

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