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Entries in LaGuardia Airport bars (2)

Wednesday
Dec292010

Wednesday, December 29th, 2010—Bar 353

Day 353—Tuesday, December 28th, 2010
Figs

Okay, so I was worried about my flight getting into New York after the huge blizzard that had just hit the city. I had watched reports from my parents house in Peoria that LaGuardia airport was a mess and not many flights were leaving or arriving, but I decided to gamble and try to make it. The flight from Peoria to Chicago was on time and went off without a hitch. When I got to the O’Hare airport my stomach started churning as I saw a bunch of flights to New York were cancelled. I about jumped for joy when I saw that my flight, was running on time! I went and had a couple celebratory drinks and by the time I made it back to the gate the flight was boarding. Hallelujah!

The flight went smoothly and they even granted me a request of three cans of Budweiser at once. They had wifi on board so I was able to work on that day’s bar crawl post and all was well. Till we landed. The wifi cut out, so I put my laptop away and got ready to get out and get a taxi back home. Then we waited on the runway. And we waited some more. Then the pilot announced there was a slight delay in finding a place to taxi to and there would be a short delay. So we waited. And waited some more. Finally after about 45 minutes we taxied into LaGuardia airport and...well, that’s where this bar crawl begins. Let’s get ready to deplane and see what awaits us.

Wow, I had heard people have been stuck here since Sunday night and it sure looks like it. There's people camped out everywhere.

Wow, what a mess.

I have to admit, while feeling sorry for these people, I was thinking, "It sucks for you, but I'm going home, bitches!"

And then karma paid me back via this huge, snaking line to the cabstand. I have never seen one so long. Usually it's a five minute wait, tops.

I heard someone saying it was over a two hour wait to get a cab. I thought about that, then realized I would still have to do my bar crawl after that. And then it hit me: Airport Bar Crawl!

There's a whole food court below, might as well find a bar, wait out the line and just like the sign says: "Relax." Hey, is that woman brushing her teeth on the escalator? Things are bad in here.

The first bar I see is Figs, looks like a perfect stop, especially since I'm feeling beat and I'm dying for a drink.

While the upstairs is packed with people, this looks like a nice little oasis with plenty of seats.

Okay, all is well. I've got a beer and prepare to finish yesterday's post and start work on this one.

Obligatory airport laptop shot!

A long shot of the wooden bar from my seat.

And here's a photo of the other side of the bar.

Some of the beers on draft at Figs.

There's large windows lining the walls showing snowy LaGuardia runways.

"Chargers coach says, 'Neither One."' I'm so proud of him! Maybe next week he'll master complete sentences.

Jessie and Stevie were my two cute and pretty neighbors at the bar. They were waiting for a flight to Cancun and we had a nice conversation about the bar crawl and New York. And guess where they're from? Australia! They live in the city of Geelong, is that anywhere near any of my Australian mates out there? Clacky, Fitzy, Brooksy...anybody? Have a fun trip ladies and send photos from Cancun if you get a chance.

Okay, time to close up shop and see how the cab line is. I ordered a diet Coke to get a hit of caffeine and get me ready to face the line.

Motherfucker! I thought once rush hour was over it would have shrunk. No such luck.

After about a 40 minute wait, there's good news and bad news. The good news is I'm finally outside. The bad news is it's freezing out here.

Okay, I'm in the home stretch!

Finally I'm up to the front of the line and none too soon as I'm losing the feeling in some of my toes.

And finally, I'm on my way home.

Goddamn, time to get inside and cuddle up next to the space heater. Goodnight, everybody!

Review
Okay, I’ve got to unpack and do a bunch of errands and then find tonight’s bar, so I’m going to slack and reprint a review from New York magazine.

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Profile
Until they install one of those restaurants with waiter-masseuses and beds instead of tables, the next best thing in tri-state airport noshing is this 125-seat branch of Todd English's Figs. During flight-delay downtime, curb your air rage with a lively Boston-bibb-and-watercress salad sprinkled with Maytag blue; spaghettini with roasted tomato and toasted breadcrumbs; or a killer to-go flatbread pizza topped with figs, prosciutto, and Gorgonzola in a box designed to fit your seat-back tray. Rob Patronite and Robin Raisfeld

Extra
Figs is located on the first level of the Central Terminal building of LaGuardia Airport between concourses B and C.

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Figs
LaGuardia Airport—Central Terminal
718-446-7600

Wednesday
Dec222010

Thursday, December 23rd, 2010—Bar 347

Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010—Bar 347

Jet Rock Bar & Grill

Usually I write the opening for this right before I go to the bar. Well, I’m in Peoria, Illinois to spend Christmas with my parents and family so everything’s going to be just a little different for the next few days. Basically, I’ll be going to bars in the day, so I can do family stuff and see friends in the evening. Yesterday I had to fly out of LaGuardia Airport at 10am, which meant I had to be there around 8am and hope there was a bar open so I could sit there for an hour and have three drinks and then get on the plane and collapse. I’ve worked nights since 1985, so I keep Elvis hours, meaning I’m usually up till about 4 or 5am. So I didn’t get much sleep and dragged my sorry ass to the Jet Rock Bar & Grill and I guess what I’m getting to is today’s bar crawl is going to be a bit of a dud. I was the only one there and I was drinking triple vodka and orange juices since I hate to fly and always get schnockered before getting on the plane. After being thrown in the Boone County Jail in Cincinnati a few years ago for drunk and disorderly conduct (it’s a long story for those of you that have never heard it, one maybe I’ll tell later), I’ve learned to keep my big mouth shut and just stumble on to the plane. So that’s what I do. So here we go, I’ll try and do a better one tomorrow. Hey, I’m allowed a clinker now and again, right?

Oh and speaking of clinkers, I was so fucking tired and out of it, I forgot to bring my cell phone with me. And my parents don’t have internet access, so I can only check my email once a day when I’m out here at my brother’s putting this thing together, so those of you trying to get hold of me (you know who you are) you can call me at my parents house. No cell phone, no internet...I’m partying like it’s 1988 over here! Oooh, heaven is a place on earth...

I called for a car service to the airport and here we go. It stinks so bad in here and it's a weird smell. It's hard to describe, but it's not unlike Styrofoam that's been marinated in cat vomit for a fortnight or so. Oh and it's seven in the fucking morning. I don't like morning and I'm on the verge of throwing up. It's the most wonderful time of the year...my ass!

Welcome to LaGuardia...wasn't that Guns and Roses second single? Which leads me to wonder what the fuck ever happened to Izzy Stradlin. And it's too motherfucking early to be thinking about Izzy Stradlin. Where's the goddamn bar?

The Jet Rock Bar & Grill. Let's get this over with, I'm crabby.

Okay, this isn't off to a good start. The bartender refuses to have her picture taken and she tells me they can't serve booze till 8am. It's ten till eight, so I have a diet Coke and wait out the ten minutes. Did I mention it sucks in here? I hate morning. And it's even worse when you're sober.

Those booze bottles are taunting and laughing at me.

Here's a long shot of the bar. It's empty and it's morning. Not the best recipe for a bar crawl. I feel like I'm letting you all down! The shame, the shame!

Okay, this is kind of cool and one of my favorite Bob Dylan albums of all time. Right up there with "Blonde on Blonde."

Hey Bartender, it's 8am over here! Time to start boozing it up.

Alright, here we go! A triple vodka and orange juice. Three of these will get me in the right mood to fly. Cheers!

And here's drink number two, which is actually the equivalent of six drinks. Prepare for takeoff!

Condiments!

Attention catheter users: You're in an airport, get to a hospital!

Old catheters? You know when it comes to catheters, you really shouldn't try to skimp. Go nuts and use a new one, you only live once! And since you're on the catheter, you're time may be coming to a close, so it's time to fly first class.

I think there's even enough TV's in here for Gene! Too bad they keep playing catheter commercials on them.

Shit, I just looked at the clock and it was after nine, I gotta run and catch the plane.

Okay, through the magic of the internet you're spared me stumbling onto the plane and passing out and here we are in Chicago and the plane's on time.

The Cat hat is a clue that I'm near to Peoria.

Then suddenly...

P-E-O-R-I-A...Peoria! (Sung to the tune of Gloria.) Goodnight, everybody...err...good day...aahh, whatever.

Review

Uhh...I don’t know, this place is kind of like The Hard Rock Cafe’s retarded younger brother. Okay, I gotta go, I’m hoping today’s bar crawl will be a little better. I’d hate to lose my whole audience at the end of this thing!

 Jet Rock Bar & Grill

Terminal C, LaGuardia Airport